Episode 7
I've Made Plans: A Memoir of Rebuilding by Mia J Hanks
I introduce Mia Hanks’s book I've Made Plans, which chronicles her rebuilding of life after a 29‑year marriage to a narcissistic partner. I state that the book is a raw, firsthand account of starting over after prolonged emotional abuse and divorce. We explain that it is aimed at readers facing major life shifts and seeking proof that renewal is possible, even later in life. I describe how Mia employs vivid analogies, notably the shopping cart, to illustrate how small harms accumulate until a breaking point is reached. We emphasize that the work offers practical truths about self‑worth, boundaries, and healing rather than clinical instruction. I encourage listeners to locate the book on Amazon, follow Mia on social media, and support survivors by leaving thoughtful reviews.
I introduce Mia Hanks’s book I've Made Plans, which chronicles her rebuilding of life after a 29‑year marriage to a narcissistic partner. I state that the book is a raw, firsthand account of starting over after prolonged emotional abuse and divorce. We explain that it is aimed at readers facing major life shifts and seeking proof that renewal is possible, even later in life. I describe how Mia employs vivid analogies, notably the shopping cart, to illustrate how small harms accumulate until a breaking point is reached. We emphasize that the work offers practical truths about self‑worth, boundaries, and healing rather than clinical instruction. I encourage listeners to locate the book on Amazon, follow Mia on social media, and support survivors by leaving thoughtful reviews. I speak as the author and I describe the arc of my life that led to this work. I was married for twenty-nine years to a man I later named a narcissist. I thought I had a clear map for my future. That map burned. I recount the slow build of harm with a plain image: a shopping cart that fills until it overturns. I explain why I stayed, how I rationalized small harms, and how those small harms became the weight that finally broke me. I made the choice to leave and to begin again. I write not as an expert, but as a survivor who rebuilt life from the ground up. Each chapter opens with a quote and centers on truths I learned: boundaries, worth, self care, the value of faith, and the ability to start over. My aim is to offer hope and practical perspective for anyone facing a major life shift. The book follows my first memoir, Bride Made, and is available on Amazon in paperback and ebook, and on Kindle Unlimited.
Takeaways:
- I rebuilt my life after a twenty nine year marriage marked by narcissistic abuse.
- I describe the slow buildup of abuse with a shopping cart analogy that many will understand.
- I offer a raw first hand narrative rather than clinical advice, which can feel more real to survivors.
- I list practical truths like boundaries, self care, and worthiness as foundations for rebuilding a new life.
- I want readers to know it is not too late to start over and find hope and freedom.
- I make resources available: both my books are on Amazon, Kindle Unlimited, my website, and social media for support.
Links referenced in this episode:
Companies mentioned in this episode:
- Harford's Heart
- Amazon
- Kindle Unlimited
- TikTok
- Goodreads
- Barnes & Noble
I speak as the author and I describe the arc of my life that led to this work. I was married for twenty-nine years to a man I later named a narcissist. I thought I had a clear map for my future. That map burned. I recount the slow build of harm with a plain image: a shopping cart that fills until it overturns. I explain why I stayed, how I rationalized small harms, and how those small harms became the weight that finally broke me. I made the choice to leave and to begin again. I write not as an expert, but as a survivor who rebuilt life from the ground up. Each chapter opens with a quote and centers on truths I learned: boundaries, worth, self care, the value of faith, and the ability to start over. My aim is to offer hope and practical perspective for anyone facing a major life shift. The book follows my first memoir, Bride Made, and is available on Amazon in paperback and ebook, and on Kindle Unlimited.
Transcript
Before we begin today's pitch, I want to thank Harford's Heart magazine for sponsoring this episode.
Harford's Heart has spent more than two decades highlighting the people, businesses, artists, and organizations that make Harford county such a vibrant place to live.
If you enjoy discovering local talent and staying connected to community events and stories, visit harfordsheart.com and explore the latest issue.
Welcome to the Author Pitch, where writers from around the world deliver a powerful pitch for their book and read a short excerpt in their own voice.
I'm your host, Rich Bennett, and today's guest has been on my other podcast, Conversations with Rich Bennett about her first book, which she's going to come on again and talk about her first book.
So I won't mention anything else, but she's on.
For her latest book, I have Mia Hanks, author of I've Made Plans.
And correct me if I'm wrong, but this is like a follow up to your first book, right?
Mia J. Hanks:It is, yeah.
This one is kind of what happened after my first book ended.
Rich Bennett:Okay, perfect.
Mia J. Hanks:The sequel.
Rich Bennett:The sequel.
That's why you have to come on and pitch the prequel as well.
Mia J. Hanks:Yeah, yeah.
Rich Bennett:Would that be right there?
Would that be a prequel?
Mia J. Hanks:The prequel, yeah.
Rich Bennett:Or would that just be the first book?
Mia J. Hanks:Yeah, I think.
Rich Bennett:All right, let's go ahead.
Mia J. Hanks:Works.
Rich Bennett:Yeah, it works for me, too.
All right, let's go ahead and start with your pitch listeners.
A tight, high impact overview of what the book is, which we more or less just said that in a way, who it's for, why it matters, and what makes it unique, besides the fact that you wrote it.
Mia J. Hanks:So it's called I've Made Plans and it's really like we said, it's a follow up to my first book.
It is about my journey of rebuilding my life after an abusive marriage, basically starting from the ground up and figuring out how I'm going to do this.
As far as who it's for, I would say anyone who's dealing with a major shift, specifically rebuilding after trauma, after divorce, after a major life change, when everything has been kind of destroyed and you have to figure out how to pick up the pieces and move on again.
So, yeah, and I think why it matters, it shows, I hope that rebuilding is possible, you know, no matter how daunting it seems, to start over, especially later in life, that you absolutely can start over.
And you, you, you can have that life that you deserve, you know?
So I think that's why it matters.
And as far as why it's unique, you know, I'm not a therapist, I'm not a professional in this field at all.
And so I think what makes it unique is that it is a know, just a very raw first hand account of someone who has actually had to do the work and rebuild their life rather than read about how to do it from a therapist or a psychologist to, to get a, be able to read from somebody who actually lived through it and experienced it.
Rich Bennett:So yeah, when you hear from somebody that's been through it, I think it tends to help people a lot more.
Mia J. Hanks:I think so.
I think it just makes it more real.
Rich Bennett:Yes.
Mia J. Hanks:You know, it's really easy for a professional to say, okay, here's the steps you need to take, here's how you need to restructure your life.
But unless they've had to do it themselves, I mean, easier said than done, right?
So I think it just provides a, a different perspective when you're from the inside looking out rather than the outside looking in.
Rich Bennett:All right, now I'm going to step up to the plate here.
See you like that baseball pun there and I'm going to allow you to throw the pitch.
Don't strike me out.
Okay?
Mia J. Hanks:Okay.
Rich Bennett:But go ahead and take your time, settle in and read at your natural pace.
And whenever you're ready, fire away.
Mia J. Hanks:Okay.
So I thought a long time about what section I wanted to read and share with the audience and I thought, I think the introduction really is the best, the best piece.
So yeah, I'm going to read the introduction.
Here we go.
When I was 21 years old, I walked down the aisle of a small church.
I had dreams of what my life would be as a new bride.
I had my entire future planned.
We said I do to one another and I became a wife to my 23 year old college sweetheart.
It was a promise of marital bless and a beautiful dream shared.
What I did not know, however, was that I was stepping into a carefully crafted nightmare.
The man next to me, my new husband, who looked like the answer to all my prayers, was a narcissist.
That day would be the start of a long and disorienting journey that would have a few ups, but far too many downs.
I found myself often thinking, how did I end up here?
Why did I not see it before I made this life altering decision?
How could I have been so easily deceived?
I asked myself these questions for nearly three decades.
But most importantly, I asked, why did I stay?
That burning question ate a hole in me, making me question my own intelligence, my own self worth and my insanity.
There are many reasons why victims of narcissists remain victims for years, for decades, and sometimes for life.
There's the financial abuse, the gaslighting, the manipulation, fear of sharing custody of children, and so on.
Perhaps, though, the biggest reason I stayed stuck for so long was simply due to complacency.
I became a master at sweeping things under the rug, so to speak.
Big things were reasoned away and little things just didn't matter.
And so I swept.
I began to make excuses for him.
It was just a bad day, or my husband was stressed out due to his job, or what I often did just to keep the peace, say it was all my fault.
I spent every day in the hope draining revolving wheel of convincing myself tomorrow would be better.
The little things remained little until they weren't this buildup happens so easily, too easily as a matter of fact, and it slowly tears down who you are.
Have you ever gone to the grocery store and thought you'd just pick up a few things?
Two or three items are all that you need, so it will just be a quick trip to the store.
Walking up and down the aisles, you find a few more goods that you didn't think you needed, but you suddenly decide they are necessities, so you add them to your cart.
Then a few more odds and ends make their way onto the pile.
The addition of a few snacks that look especially tasty, and maybe a magazine or two.
And before you know it, your cart is getting more stocked than you initially anticipated.
A couple more aisles yield even a few more items you didn't intend to buy at the start of this shopping trip.
Finally, you arrive at the checkout.
Your cart is full, completely full.
And you wonder to yourself, how did I end up with so much stuff?
You had come to the store to buy a few items and now your cart is overflowing.
Your bill is higher than expected.
You didn't come to the store prepared to spend so much money.
This is exactly how victims can end up in decades long relationships and marriages with narcissistic partners.
By ignoring the little things and pushing your card along, you become complacent with the abuse that is consuming you.
Then one day when you arrive at that checkout counter with too many items and you ask yourself, how did I get here?
At the end of my 29 year marriage, this is exactly what my inquisitive mind was wondering.
The culmination of years of emotional abuse and manipulation had left me completely broken.
I had become a different person, one that I no longer recognized.
I had lost myself while wandering up and down those aisles, placing more and more into my cart.
The little things had now become the big things and I had reached a breaking point.
I had overspent myself and now there was nothing left of me.
Rather than face the embarrassment of getting out of line and returning the items in my cart back onto the shelf, I just paid the cost.
The cost was one that was incredibly hard to manage.
But it had to be paid to avoid admitting there was a problem.
Ultimately, my life took a dramatic and necessary turn.
My cart had overflowed and overturned.
Everything that had been built fell apart.
Divorce.
All my plans, my dreams, the future of wedded bliss I had pictured in my mind were gone.
My plans hadn't just gone awry.
They had been burned to ash.
Today, I am rebuilding.
After 29 years of marriage to a narcissist, I made the decision to start over from scratch and venture into the great unknown.
There would be so much healing to do and so many truths to face.
My life became exciting and terrifying all at the same time.
But this was a journey that I would not regret taking.
Today, I'm facing a whole new world with new adventures and lots of twists and turns.
I'm discovering new things about myself and the world around me every single day.
A few of the truths I've learned so far on my journey include, Intimidation cannot rule me.
I am worthy of good things.
I can let go of what is not meant for me.
My family is not broken.
Self isolation is not healthy.
I am more capable than I imagined.
Self care is not selfish.
Boundaries are necessary.
Small mistakes aren't the end of the world.
Freedom is priceless.
I can face my biggest fears and my faith sustains me.
These facts have laid the groundwork for this new life that I am rebuilding.
It's a life that is full of unknown opportunities and so much promise.
The plans I had originally made required me to give up being myself for my narcissistic husband.
Today, my plans are letting me be me.
My story didn't end with my divorce.
In fact, I'm pretty sure my story is just getting started.
Rich Bennett:Wow.
Mia J. Hanks:Wow.
Rich Bennett:That comparison with the shopping cart, was that.
Usually this is when I ask why you picked that particular excerpt, but I think that was perfect because that was a great comparison.
Mia J. Hanks:Relates, right?
I think that it's relatable.
Yeah.
Rich Bennett:Yeah.
Because at first I'm sitting back listening, and then when you went into the shopping cart thing, I'm like, wait a minute, where is she going with this?
Yeah.
It's like, holy crap.
I would have never thought about that.
Mia J. Hanks:Yeah.
Rich Bennett:Never thought.
And I love the way that you said at the end, you said, now you're just getting started.
Mia J. Hanks:Yeah, definitely.
Rich Bennett:Yeah, that.
Mia J. Hanks:Wow.
Rich Bennett:Wow, that was good.
That was very good.
And, I mean, I know because you've been on my other show, and I'm sure a lot of people probably already know just from what you read there, but what actually sparked this book for you?
Mia J. Hanks:You know, a lot of people.
I did a lot of podcasts after my first book, and a lot of people wanted to know, then what.
You know, then what happened?
Like, where are you now?
What are you doing?
How did you.
What did you do when you left?
My first book kind of ends with my divorce, you know, and me venturing out on my own, basically.
And I think there was just some curiosity to.
Curiosity to, what do you do now?
And, you know, I thought kind of the.
The story to tell at that point was over.
I had told what happened during my marriage and how I got out of it, but there's really another whole story in how you start from nothing and, you know, rebuild a life.
So I thought, I think there's enough material here for another book.
Rich Bennett:I think so, too.
And we haven't mentioned the name of the first book, but tell everybody the name of the first book, because I think it's important that they get both.
Mia J. Hanks:Yeah.
The first book is called Bride Maid,.
Rich Bennett:Now Bride Made, but it's M A D E. Right.
Mia J. Hanks:M A D E. Right.
Rich Bennett:Okay.
Mia J. Hanks:A little bit of a play on words there.
Rich Bennett:Yeah.
All right, so with this book, not.
Not Bride Made, but this is more talking about now I've made plans.
What do you hope readers feel after finishing it?
Mia J. Hanks:I hope they can see that, you know, there's hope.
There's.
There's hope.
You can.
No matter how long you've been in, and maybe a bad relationship or a bad situation, whether it be a year or in my case, three decades, you know, you can start over.
And I think a lot of people think, especially in a toxic marriage, you know, I've been in this marriage for so long.
I'm so invested.
I'm so wrapped up in this.
I'll never untangle.
How can I start over again?
I'm 50 years old.
You know, what am I supposed to do now?
So I hope they can look at it and see.
Yeah, you know, I. I could.
I could start over again.
It's not too late to have that life that you've always dreamed of.
Rich Bennett:Yeah, you definitely need to start that nonprofit and podcast.
Mia J. Hanks:I'm really thinking about it.
Rich Bennett:You need to Because I could see, well, you already are helping a lot of people, and that way you'll be able to help a lot more.
But hard question here.
What is next for you as an author?
Mia J. Hanks:That I don't know.
I do enjoy the writing process.
I do find it therapeutic, especially thinking that, you know, what I write might help other people.
But as far as what's next, I really don't know.
I just.
I'm kind of.
I'm just seeing what's out there.
Rich Bennett:I just.
Mia J. Hanks:This is such a whole new world for me, you know, just the level of freedom that I have now.
I'm not used to this, you know, I'm still kind of waking up every day going, wow, I can really decide how I want to spend my day.
You know, I don't have to answer to anyone.
I can make my own decisions.
And so I'm still trying to grasp that concept of I can decide what I want to do.
So I don't know what's next.
Rich Bennett:You're very good at writing comparisons, analogies, or whatever it is, right?
Mia J. Hanks:I hope so.
Rich Bennett:Your faith is pretty strong, right?
Yes, I would think.
And it's just an idea.
But after hearing you read your introduction and talking to you in the green room before we started, almost like I could see you writing almost like a devotional book or something.
Powerful things to help.
I don't even know if this is a term or not, but, like the narcissist survivors.
Does that sound right?
Mia J. Hanks:Yeah, it actually is.
Yeah.
Rich Bennett:Okay.
Mia J. Hanks:Yeah.
I mean, yeah.
Survivors of narcissistic abuse.
Absolutely.
Rich Bennett:Just like daily.
Daily devotionals or thoughts or even quotes to help.
Mia J. Hanks:I do like quotes inspired.
Rich Bennett:Yeah.
Mia J. Hanks:Yeah.
I began all of each of my chapters of this new book.
So the 12 things that I mentioned at the end, basically there's a chapter on each one of those things, and I begin each chapter with a quote.
It's really.
It's.
Yeah, it's really interesting that there's so many good quotes out there.
And so I. I had fun hunting for quotes that, you know, really kind of helped introduce each chapter.
Rich Bennett:I love good quotes.
I.
Every morning, I. I always post one on Facebook.
Just, you know, just a simple quote that.
A positive quote.
Of course.
Mia J. Hanks:Right, Right.
Rich Bennett:I think it just.
It helps me, so hopefully it helps other people as well.
Another important question.
Mia J. Hanks:Yeah.
Rich Bennett:Where can people purchase the book and follow you?
Mia J. Hanks:So Amazon is where you can purchase both books.
They're both available in paperback and ebook, and recently I just put both of them on Kindle Unlimited.
So if you have Kindle Unlimited.
You can read them for free.
Rich Bennett:Oh wow.
Mia J. Hanks:Yeah.
So yeah, you can find them on Amazon and then I have a website, mia jhanks.com and there's also a link on the website that will take you to the Amazon page.
Rich Bennett:And don't forget to follow her on Amazon.
So when she does release more books, you're notified right away.
Mia J. Hanks:Yeah.
And then I also have a TikTok.
I'm pretty active on TikTok.
I just do a lot of reposting, interesting things that I find and all related to narcissists and it's at.
NPD and me.
So if you want to follow me.
Rich Bennett:On Tick Tock and those of you listening, you know what I'm going to tell you.
Once you purchase her book, or both books, after you read them, make sure you leave a full review on Amazon, Goodreads, Barnes and Noble, everywhere that you can leave a review, take a picture of yourself holding the book and post that on social media as well.
Just an idea.
Mia J. Hanks:That's very helpful.
Yes.
I think people don't realize how important reviews are.
Yeah, yeah.
Please, please leave a review and purchase.
Rich Bennett:Copies for other people that you think that it could help because we.
It does.
Like I said, Mia's been on my other show and I had.
People actually contacted me and thanked me for having her on because they learned a lot and it helped them.
So definitely do that.
Mia, I want to thank you so much, but is there anything you would like to add?
Mia J. Hanks:Just please check out my books if you know, if that resonates, if that topic resonates with you and you know you're looking for information on this topic of narcissism, narcissistic abuse.
Yeah.
Please check out my books on Amazon and just know that, you know, you're not without hope.
You're not without hope.
There is.
You can find a better life.
Rich Bennett:Well, Mia, I want to thank you so much, those of you listening.
Again, thanks for listening to the author pitch.
I'm Rich Bennett and until next time, keep turning pages and discovering new voices.
