Chasing Easy in a Life of Hard Choices by Teresa Leet

Rich Bennett: 00:00:00

Before we begin today's pitch, I want to thank Harford's Heart magazine for sponsoring this episode.

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Welcome to the Author Pitch, where writers from around the world deliver a powerful pitch for their book and read a short excerpt in their own voice.

I'm your host, Rich Bennett, and today's guest is Teresa Leet, author of Chasing Easy in a Life of Hard Choices.

What is the book?

Teresa Leet: 00:00:43

Pacing Easy in a Life of Hard Choices.

It's really my memoir.

And so before I lose anybody in the audience that's listening, the excerpt that I share today is something that many, many people will probably be able to identify with.

And so even though it's my memoir and it's a personal journey, it's something that probably one in three women have had experience with.

Rich Bennett: 00:01:07

All right, should I tell the listeners now and myself to get Kleenex ready?

Teresa Leet: 00:01:13

No, because I did not choose an excerpt that's gonna do that.

Rich Bennett: 00:01:16

Okay.

All right.

All right.

So who's the book for, then?

Teresa Leet: 00:01:20

The book is for anybody who has been through some trauma, who has been through some disappointments, who has failed in relationships to know that there is hope.

So to cling to hope, because a lot of times what we do is we stay bitter in what has happened in our past, and it prevents us from goodness for today.

And so it is for anyone, which, if you're older than three years old, I would say that the book is for you because it inspires, encourages, and releases a hope that maybe you haven't had in quite some time.

Rich Bennett: 00:01:55

And why does it matter?

Teresa Leet: 00:01:56

The book, it will change your life.

I love that it will change your perspective on the life that you've already lived.

You know, I was angry and bitter for a very long time, and you'll know why when you read the book.

But that kept me from healing because I was holding on to bitterness.

So if you want to get better, you can't be bitter.

I like that you've got to let that go.

And it's not easy to do.

You want to retaliate or you want vengeance?

And it's not ours.

We are the ones that have to make the decision to get over that, to release that so that we can heal from whatever that trauma is.

And I want to share.

So my husband has a Quote, and he says, life is easy.

It's the choices you make that are hard.

Rich Bennett: 00:02:47

Very true.

Teresa Leet: 00:02:48

And so we are all a product of the choices that we've made.

Rich Bennett: 00:02:53

You said that it's for women, but do you believe this is for men as well?

Teresa Leet: 00:02:58

That's a great question.

So I was doing it from obviously, a woman's perspective.

But I've had some men read the book before I released it, and all of them had the same reaction.

Rich Bennett: 00:03:09

Okay.

Teresa Leet: 00:03:10

They saw themselves in pages of the book, and they did need a Kleenex, So.

Rich Bennett: 00:03:16

Wow.

Teresa Leet: 00:03:16

You know, it's raw and it's real.

And it's something that.

Yes.

Even men who.

I think their voices are often silenced.

Rich Bennett: 00:03:25

They're afraid to speak up.

Teresa Leet: 00:03:26

They're afraid to speak up for what other people are gonna say.

They're afraid that their masculinity is gonna be challenged.

And I'm here to tell you that when a man comes to me and says, I read your book, I couldn't put it down.

I needed tissues.

That didn't show me he was weak.

It showed me he was vulnerable but strong.

Vulnerability is strength.

Rich Bennett: 00:03:50

Yes.

Teresa Leet: 00:03:50

We get it messed up thinking that vulnerability is weakness, and it is not.

It is strength.

Rich Bennett: 00:03:55

I say that all the time, you know, because.

Yeah, men are afraid to cry in front of people.

They're afraid to share their true feelings.

And to me, if you do that, that's showing strength.

Teresa Leet: 00:04:05

It is.

Rich Bennett: 00:04:05

Because otherwise you're just hiding.

And who hides?

Coward.

Tied.

Teresa Leet: 00:04:10

Right.

Rich Bennett: 00:04:10

You don't want to do it.

So besides the fact that you wrote the book, what makes it unique?

Teresa Leet: 00:04:16

My voice, my perspective, my experience, the outcomes of those experiences.

How I respond to something.

You see two people that see an accident.

Each one's going to have a different perspective, right?

Rich Bennett: 00:04:29

Yeah.

Yeah.

Teresa Leet: 00:04:30

So my point of view, my perspective is going to be different than anybody else who has gone through this.

Although I would venture to say that not everyone who has gone through what I have gone through wants to put it in a book, including me.

Rich Bennett: 00:04:45

Right.

Teresa Leet: 00:04:46

So I delayed it for about seven years.

Rich Bennett: 00:04:48

Wow.

Teresa Leet: 00:04:49

Until finally it was no more.

That I had to write this book.

Rich Bennett: 00:04:55

All right, so let's hear the excerpt you actually brought for us today.

Go ahead and take your time.

Settle in.

And if you look across at me and I've got my head down, my eyes closed, I'm not sleeping.

I like to.

I'm not.

Don't look at me.

Teresa Leet: 00:05:12

I'm giving him the evil eye.

For those that can't see, I just.

Rich Bennett: 00:05:15

To me.

Because this way I can hear what you're saying, I'm focused in on it like I'm listening to an audible book or a tape.

And I found when I do that helps me paint the picture of my head as well.

Teresa Leet: 00:05:30

That connection.

Rich Bennett: 00:05:31

Yeah, yeah.

And it's just amazing how all the other authors had that I've had on that have done that.

And it sold me on the book right away.

Okay, so the floor is yours.

Teresa Leet: 00:05:43

So the excerpt that I chose, excuse me, is out of chapter two and it's titled you always remember your first Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial.

And that's from 1st Corinthians 6:12.

Flee from sexual immorality.

All other sins a man commits are outside his body.

But he who sins sexually sins against his own body.

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God.

You are not your own.

You are bought at a price.

Therefore, honor God with your body.

First Corinthians 6:18, 20.

To be completely transparent.

Since I sometimes have a hard time remembering my kids names, of which there are three, I might not get every detail of my teen years correct.

What I will get correct are the emotions surrounding the choices I made and the resulting consequences I experienced.

At the innocent, naive and tender age of 15, I was the athletic type in high school and received the most attention and praise when I did well in gymnastics, softball, soccer, and basically anything that involved a ball.

This is when I learned the art of acceptance through performance.

And for those of you familiar with personality types, I'm an enneagram 3 the successful achiever.

I have a hard time feeling and tapping into my emotions.

I do better planning, strategizing and accomplishing a goal than I do acknowledging my emotions.

These were the days when high school began in the 10th grade.

You already survived the awkward middle grades 7th through 9th, and prayed that you would stay friends over the summer with your core group.

So entering high school wouldn't be so bad.

There were three groups of students and, depending on which group you identified with, determined your lot in school.

Everyone wants to fit in, belong, and be accepted.

It's how we're wired by our maker.

Whether you're an adolescent or an adult, we all have this innate desire to be accepted and loved.

And each group had their own identification and different levels of popularity.

There were the popular jocks, a term that covered both the boy and girl athletes, the nerds.

These were the smart geeks, popular within their own setting.

And then the least popular were the heads, the exploratory druggie types.

The jocks, which was my group, had an air of superiority and seemed to be the most exclusive.

The heads explored the next high, and the nerds sat on the student council, debate committee, yearbook committee, and they were the class representatives trying to keep the rest of us in line, which was a tall order.

The jocks had big egos, the heads had a Cheech and Chong swagger, and the nerds were the teacher's pet.

The jocks, being the most popular, were able to recruit others to do their dirty work, such as writing their papers or giving them their student notes before exams.

The nerds were usually up for hire by the jocks, so in that regard they gained some popularity by association.

And the heads were the ones cutting class to get high and usually barely got by enough to graduate.

If you wanted to learn how to cut class on Senior Hook Day, you learned it from the heads.

Now Rich is laughing.

I gotta tell you,.

Rich Bennett: 00:08:57

You are taking me back to my days in high school.

Teresa Leet: 00:09:00

That's the whole purpose.

Now these are generalizations.

There were heads who excelled not just in extracurricular drug use, but in school academics.

Case in point.

I remember one girl who never studied, wasn't shy about getting high, and she was a straight A student.

There were jocks who befriended heads and nerds who befriended jocks.

So there was some cross pollination of sorts between the groups.

Now, as a jock, I played all things sports.

Softball was my jam.

Then came gymnastics, and last came soccer.

Now, it's odd that I played soccer because I despise running today, but I did come across some high school pictures as proof.

Unlike other 15 year old jocks, I was a sensitive spirit and didn't like leaving anyone out.

Now, before you think I was a saint, I am positively certain that there were times that I played along with ridicule to stay popular and left others out.

But I have conveniently erased that from my memory.

This was a coping mechanism that I would learn later in life and how I dealt with most unpleasant memories.

Isn't that what we do to protect ourselves?

We bury those unwanted memories, never to be recalled again until they are.

I had friends from all the nerds, the heads and the jocks.

I wanted to learn through experience, but was careful not to lose my footing and popularity by engaging too much with other groups was not an option.

I knew then what I declare now, Misunderstanding stems from ignorance.

To understand, you must seek to know.

Without knowledge, what you think you know will be inconclusive and unsupported.

I was moving along just fine in the 10th grade, doing okay in school and excelling in sports.

I was on top of the world.

I'd been working at Burger King for two years to have extra cash for the things I wanted, because if I wanted something, I was taught early on to work for it.

There were very few of us in that generation that lived in luxury or felt entitled to everything.

Nothing was handed to me except the concept of working hard for what you wanted.

I rode my bike to and from work and made little over $2 an hour.

I had zero interest in boys unless it was to play football, baseball, dodgeball, build tree forts, build ramps to jump ravines and ditches, or go dirt bike riding.

I was every bit a tomboy.

I preferred the company of boys because there was hardly any backstabbing, gossiping and other other drama like there was with girls.

Boys were not my thing until they were.

Or should I say, until he was.

The grapevine, AKA the rumor mill, revealed that Mike, the most popular senior in school, had his eye on me.

Now this was both flattering and puzzling to me at the same time.

I was not developed like most of the other girls, which I blame on sports and genetics.

I also was not the flirtatious hey, look at me type.

I was tough, which was safe and kept boys at a distance.

My immediate reaction to this rumor was that it was either a joke or a bet he didn't want to lose.

I didn't know why he would be interested in me.

This is where the new sensation of comparison and the insecurity that followed began to seep in.

I was very confident when it came to sports, but this boy's interest in me was a new thing.

I didn't like it, but I didn't know how to combat it either.

And there wasn't a class in school called how to Prevent Feelings of Insecurity or I would have signed up for it as an elective.

Theodore Roosevelt once said that comparison is the thief of joy, and I wholeheartedly agree.

A short time after this rumor had circulated, lo and behold, the Mike asked me out.

Back then we called it hooking up, but today that phrase has a much different meaning, which I learned from my teenage girls.

The first time I asked my daughter who she was hooking up with, her face was aghast and she said, mom, we aren't hooking up.

I had no idea what the big deal was until she explained what it meant in today's culture.

Yikes.

I haven't used this term since that gentle correction and it and if you don't know.

Ask a teenager.

So Mike and I started dating, and I realized I liked the attention.

The attention from him was special, and the extra attention I got from other students was a bonus.

It was very different from prior exposure where I saw boys as mere competition for a position in sports.

This was different.

The way he looked at me, almost as if looking into my soul.

The way he spoiled me with surprises and gifts.

And the manner in which he talked me up in front of his friends.

He was proud of me.

He was a gentleman, too.

I also liked how he included me in guy stuff like rebuilding the engine on a Pontiac Tempest.

All right, full disclosure.

I simply held some bolts to attach the engine to the firewall.

But I felt invigorated, important, as if I could conquer anything.

With him, I mattered.

What was especially rewarding was.

Was when he would choose me over his friends, doing something he probably didn't want to do but did because he cared about my happiness.

I was falling in love.

Or what I thought was love.

Today, I would describe this love as counterfeit.

But at 15, I knew all there was to know about love.

Didn't you?

How do you process these new and gooey feelings if not to share with your brood or, in today's language, tribe?

Surely the other girls I hung out with were familiar with what I was feeling.

After all, I was the last to date in our group.

So I sought their wise counsel on what to do to be a good girlfriend.

They said things like, make yourself available, follow through with what might be uncomfortable, closeness, intimacy, pretend to like what you don't like, just to be on his good side.

Their counsel was vague, and I wish they had just said, you're expected to have sex.

I didn't turn to my parents for advice because they weren't exactly role models for love.

And let's just say that they did the best that they could after being married at the age of 16 and 19.

Shoot.

They were kids themselves, but managed to stay married for 54 years.

Anyway, about a year into our dating, he told me he loved me.

Yes, isn't that what every girl wants to hear?

With this proclamation, I just knew how I wanted my future to unfold.

We were going to get married, buy the house with a white picket fence, have children, and live happily ever after.

Or so I thought.

Then it happened.

As a child, my choices forced me to make grown up decisions.

Mike was a senior and I was a sophomore.

The coveted senior prom was fast approaching, and I felt secure in knowing I was going to be going with the most Popular boy in school, I didn't have to vie for the attention of who I wanted an invitation from, nor did I have to compete for the position.

In the early 80s, it wasn't cool to go with a bunch of girlfriends like it is today.

Shunning the need to compete or feeling inferior because you weren't asked to the prom.

But whether it's cool or not, there is always a choice.

Some choices will affect you for the rest of your life.

Two months from prom night, I realized I had missed my period.

I wasn't really concerned because I had heard that you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex.

Plus, I was so physically active that sometimes I missed a period here and there because of the athletic stress I put my body through.

Then I started to feel funny.

Now I was worried.

So I took a pregnancy test which revealed I was pregnant.

I tried to convince myself that the test was wrong and that it was just a false positive.

To be sure, I took a few more, and they all returned positive.

I was in complete denial, even angry at the possibility.

I was at a loss.

I had no idea what to do.

I was confused.

I was hurt.

I was tormented.

I was scared.

I needed help.

I needed guidance.

I couldn't tell anyone.

I couldn't tell my sister.

She was too young.

I couldn't tell my parents.

They'd disown me.

I had to tell my boyfriend.

How do you gracefully deliver such news?

Rich Bennett: 00:17:11

Wow.

Wow, Wow.

First of all, you took me back to high school, which I loved, and I had to laugh at the part about hooking up.

And then the way you end, it's like, okay, I can't wait to read this because I need to find out what happened.

I need to find out what Mike said.

I need to find out how your parents were and just how everything was afterwards, too.

Teresa Leet: 00:17:44

Yeah.

Rich Bennett: 00:17:44

Oh, wow.

All right.

So what made you choose that excerpt?

Teresa Leet: 00:17:49

I felt like that was the one that the majority would be able to relate to.

Right.

My audience, even on my podcast, are the ages between 25 and 45.

And so some of them are going to be able to be in this experience.

And I wanted something that would trigger memories and some of the nuances in there about how we cope with anger and bitterness and disappointment.

For me, it was the bitterness piece.

And when we do that, it prevents us from healing.

Rich Bennett: 00:18:27

Yeah.

Teresa Leet: 00:18:28

And I thought that if.

If that excerpt could speak to one person and say, look, we know that you've been through some stuff, and I love what Joyce Meyer says.

So Joyce Meyer says there is no drive through breakthrough.

You have to go through.

Rich Bennett: 00:18:42

Oh, wow.

Teresa Leet: 00:18:43

There is no drive through breakthrough.

You have to go through.

That is the only way to the other side.

And it's how you perceive that going through that's going to make a difference in your life's outcome.

Rich Bennett: 00:18:56

Wow.

Wow.

Teresa Leet: 00:18:58

And I did want to share.

So there were a couple of things in the beginning of the book.

Some people that read the book, One of them says, I was reading pages of my own story.

Another one was, almost any woman can see herself on some of the pages of this book.

Another one was, this would make a great real life movie.

And then this is from a man.

Teresa's story is one of perseverance and hope.

Remember, we started with, I want people to get hope, garner hope.

And I would recommend this book to anyone who feels like they've messed up or who are stuck.

Rich Bennett: 00:19:31

When did this come out?

Teresa Leet: 00:19:33

In: 2000

It was four years ago.

Rich Bennett: 00:19:36

Four years ago.

Okay.

Teresa Leet: 00:19:38

On July 4th.

Rich Bennett: 00:19:40

Really?

Teresa Leet: 00:19:40

Which is no accident, even in that.

Rich Bennett: 00:19:43

Oh, so you got to read the book freedom.

Teresa Leet: 00:19:46

Right.

July 4th.

What do we celebrate?

Rich Bennett: 00:19:49

Yeah.

Okay.

I thought something else had happened on July 4, and readers would have to read the book to find out.

Teresa Leet: 00:19:55

Yeah.

Nope.

At least on the day of freedom.

So all that stuff that's holding you back is holding you back from freedom.

Freedom to be you and I.

My coaching program is called Unmasked.

Rich Bennett: 00:20:07

Right.

Teresa Leet: 00:20:08

Because we all wear a mask.

And this is me taking my mask off.

This is the most vulnerable that I have ever been.

And that's why it almost didn't get released, because I thought, this is.

This is down and dirty.

Rich Bennett: 00:20:22

And how long did it take you to write it?

Teresa Leet: 00:20:25

Well, it was seven years of delayed obedience.

Rich Bennett: 00:20:28

Okay.

Teresa Leet: 00:20:29

But it took about 40 years of living.

Rich Bennett: 00:20:33

Right.

Teresa Leet: 00:20:33

To have the material that's in the book.

Rich Bennett: 00:20:36

So when you finished the manuscript and you had everything done, how long before you actually said, all right, let's publish it?

Or was that, like, right away?

Teresa Leet: 00:20:46

That was immediate.

Rich Bennett: 00:20:46

Okay.

Okay.

Teresa Leet: 00:20:48

And I will say that part of the journey in writing the books.

There are pictures in here, too.

I had to get into character.

I had to remember those things to be able to write about them.

Well, yeah, you know, you heard me say about my emotions, I can target a goal and go after it, but to tell you how I'm feeling about it during it is very difficult for me.

So I had a couple of breakdowns while I was writing the book.

Rich Bennett: 00:21:15

Oh, I bet.

Teresa Leet: 00:21:16

And that's where my healing came in.

Rich Bennett: 00:21:18

Wow.

You meditate a lot, don't you?

Teresa Leet: 00:21:21

I meditate on Scripture.

Rich Bennett: 00:21:23

Okay.

Teresa Leet: 00:21:24

Yes.

Rich Bennett: 00:21:25

I had a feeling.

I just had a feeling.

Which is good.

It is very good.

And that's probably the best meditation anyways.

Teresa Leet: 00:21:32

It is.

And you know, I have a mantra that I.

Number one, I want women to walk in their worth unapologetically.

Don't apologize for who you are, what you've been through, anything, because there's somebody waiting on the other side of your obedience, of what you're supposed to do to speak into somebody else's life that I can't.

And the other one is that your lack of obedience is gonna prevent you from your own healing.

Rich Bennett: 00:21:58

Yeah.

With this book you keep mentioning in the podcast.

Did the book come before the podcast?

Teresa Leet: 00:22:07

The podcast came first because that was easy.

Rich Bennett: 00:22:09

Oh, really?

But it was based off the book.

Teresa Leet: 00:22:12

It was not.

Rich Bennett: 00:22:12

Oh, really?

Teresa Leet: 00:22:13

The title is.

So the title is Chasing Easy.

But the podcast was completely separate and much easier because I love people.

I love interviewing people.

But to sit down and put my thoughts down on paper, that was hard.

Rich Bennett: 00:22:29

So have you had any people.

You're still doing the podcast, right?

Teresa Leet: 00:22:32

I am.

Rich Bennett: 00:22:33

Okay.

Have you had any people on that have read your book and interviewed them?

Teresa Leet: 00:22:38

I have not.

I have been the guest on others podcast who read my book and had me on as the author of the book.

Rich Bennett: 00:22:45

I think those would be some good interviews for you, having people on that read your book, especially if they can relate to your story.

Teresa Leet: 00:22:53

Yeah.

Rich Bennett: 00:22:54

You know, and if they never thought of it that way, through their own as well.

Wow.

All right, so this is a very hard question.

What is next for Teresa Lee as an author?

Teresa Leet: 00:23:06

I have two journals out.

Rich Bennett: 00:23:08

What?

Teresa Leet: 00:23:09

So I have.

I have one journal that is called From Hustle to Wholeness, Let Go and Live youe Possible.

Rich Bennett: 00:23:16

Oh, I like that.

Teresa Leet: 00:23:17

And this is a.

An introspective journal.

Rich Bennett: 00:23:21

Okay.

Teresa Leet: 00:23:22

And for those of you that don't journal, don't turn this off yet.

So I beta tested this on someone who despises journaling.

Rich Bennett: 00:23:30

Really?

Teresa Leet: 00:23:30

Yes.

And I said, I want you to go through this.

Promise me you will commit to it.

It's four weeks worth.

Each week has a theme and it's introspective, but it's crafted in a way that's easy to follow.

And when she went through it, she said, I can't believe this.

There were some hard questions.

In three or four months, I'm going to go through it again.

So.

And there is a small group that's forming right now that's actually doing a study on the book together.

And so it's on Amazon now.

But all of my theme and my overarching, I guess mantra, if I use that word again, is hustle to wholeness.

I wrote the journal for myself and I thought, you know what?

There are other people that can benefit from this because there's something that we're forfeiting when we're constantly hustling.

Rich Bennett: 00:24:24

Okay.

Teresa Leet: 00:24:25

Usually it's peace.

Rich Bennett: 00:24:27

Ooh.

Teresa Leet: 00:24:28

And so if you move at the pace of peace, it is a very different feel.

And you are now honoring yourself above all else so that you can now show up 100% as you and who you are.

Rich Bennett: 00:24:45

I never thought about that.

But, yeah, you're right.

I mean, wow.

Teresa Leet: 00:24:51

Yeah.

Rich Bennett: 00:24:52

Wow.

Now with.

This book is in audible form as well.

Teresa Leet: 00:24:58

I have been told that I need to do that.

And.

And I haven't done that yet, but I tried to find there is.

And.

And it is on my to do list.

I do want to do an audible.

Rich Bennett: 00:25:10

As and do it yourself.

Teresa Leet: 00:25:12

Yes.

In my voice.

Rich Bennett: 00:25:13

Good.

Teresa Leet: 00:25:13

Yes.

Rich Bennett: 00:25:14

Yeah, you definitely need to.

Yeah.

Where can people actually find the book and follow you?

Teresa Leet: 00:25:21

It's on Amazon.

Rich Bennett: 00:25:22

It's on Amazon.

Where can they follow you?

Well, besides on Amazon, they can follow you on Amazon that way.

Teresa Leet: 00:25:28

So you can follow me on Facebook.

Rich Bennett: 00:25:31

Okay.

Teresa Leet: 00:25:33

I do have an Instagram, but I'm going to be dead honest.

I'm not a huge social media person, so I have somebody else that's going to handle that for me.

Rich Bennett: 00:25:41

You're not missing anything.

Teresa Leet: 00:25:42

I do have a YouTube channel again.

There are some of my podcast episodes on.

On there.

Rich Bennett: 00:25:47

Okay.

Teresa Leet: 00:25:48

You can watch that.

There's one that's super funny because I did financial coaching for a while and I still do that, but this one is me and my husband having a conversation about budgets.

Rich Bennett: 00:25:59

I was gonna say, wait a minute, Theresa.

I don't know if funny and financial planning go well together.

Teresa Leet: 00:26:05

Oh, can I. I need to release something here.

If we don't have fun at what we're doing.

Rich Bennett: 00:26:11

This is true.

Teresa Leet: 00:26:12

You've got.

Laughter is medicine.

It truly is.

We are dealing.

My book is serious.

I mean, I had women that took this on their vacations at the beach, and I said, I don't know if you want to do that.

This is not a beach vacation book.

Right.

They did it anyway.

And they weren't shy to tell me that they cried while they were on the beach reading.

So laughter.

You have to invite laughter.

If we take ourselves so stinking seriously, we are not going to enjoy life and we're just going to be clicking the days away.

Rich Bennett: 00:26:42

There was a comedian I Can't remember his name.

But he had cancer and he refused to stop.

He kept going because he said that laughter is the best medicine.

And he went on for years.

Unfortunately, cancer won that battle.

But still, he didn't give up right away.

And it is.

It's amazing how many people don't believe that.

Have fun.

Laugh.

Teresa Leet: 00:27:09

Yeah.

Rich Bennett: 00:27:09

You'll save somebody's life, too.

You never know.

Teresa Leet: 00:27:12

Starting with your own.

Rich Bennett: 00:27:13

Exactly.

Exactly.

Is there anything you would like to add to our.

You know, for our listeners, besides purchase the book?

Teresa Leet: 00:27:23

Well, there's that.

I would say be present over preoccupation.

So I call that pop, Another one of my mantras.

And what does that mean?

Excuse me?

So it means different things to different people.

We are in such a hustle culture that even when we're talking to someone, we do not look them in the eye.

We're busy doing all these other things.

And what that says is that what you had to say isn't important.

What I'm doing here is more important.

If you practice that, practice it with your kids, practice it with your significant other, practice it with your mom, with your husband.

I mean, it is.

Rich Bennett: 00:28:11

Practice it in the mirror.

Teresa Leet: 00:28:13

Be present.

Yes.

In your own time.

Can I tell a fun story about that?

About practice over preoccupation?

Rich Bennett: 00:28:21

Right.

Teresa Leet: 00:28:22

And you can't with that.

I'm going to.

Anyway.

You edit it out.

When they're.

When you are talking to someone and you are already forming your response before they're done talking.

That's foolishness.

That is complete foolishness.

You don't know everything that they're going to say.

If you're interrupting them and you're already forming an opinion about what they're saying, let the person finish what they're saying.

And then you're honoring them.

And at the same time, you're honoring yourself.

Rich Bennett: 00:28:56

Ooh, I like that.

Teresa Leet: 00:28:58

But here is an example.

My husband and I are into real estate investing.

And so we've done a lot of our own renovations.

We were at a property, and.

And I was going through cleaning while he was tinkering, putting things together, because that's what he does.

And I looked at him, and I was looking for my cleaning rag, and I said, baby, have you seen my cleaning rag?

Without lifting his head to look at me, he continued to do what he was doing.

And he said, I haven't seen it.

And then I stopped and I said, stop what you're doing and turn around and look at me.

And he looked at me, and he looked me dead in the eye.

And I said, have you seen my cleaning rag?

He said, I haven't seen it.

And I said, okay, I'm continuing to look for this rag.

I go into the mirror.

It's on my shoulder the entire time.

Rich Bennett: 00:29:42

But yet he didn't see it.

Teresa Leet: 00:29:43

So even with him looking me in the eye, he was preoccupied with what he had to get back to.

Rich Bennett: 00:29:50

Wow.

Teresa Leet: 00:29:50

So that's a very simple illustration of how easily we are distracted and so honor the people that you're talking to or with.

Rich Bennett: 00:30:02

You know, and I think that has happened with everybody.

Not necessarily a cleaning rag, because it happened with.

It may have been my sister, and she couldn't find her glasses, and everybody kept looking at her, said they haven't seen them.

Lo and behold, we did.

Teresa Leet: 00:30:18

Right on her top of her head.

Or how about you're talking on your cell phone and you want to know where your phone is?

Right.

That's not.

Yeah.

So it's.

It's the distractions that we allow if you're present.

Rich Bennett: 00:30:32

Yeah.

Teresa Leet: 00:30:32

Over preoccupation.

It will minimize that.

They won't go away altogether.

Rich Bennett: 00:30:36

But do you do public speaking?

Teresa Leet: 00:30:39

I have done some.

Rich Bennett: 00:30:40

Okay.

I was gonna say you should if you're not definitely sure.

Teresa Leet: 00:30:44

Yep.

Rich Bennett: 00:30:44

Those of you listening, you know what I.

What I'm gonna say.

Once you purchase her book, make sure.

After you read it, of course, make sure you leave a full review everywhere you can leave reviews.

Well, you know, that's on Barnes and Noble, Amazon, Goodreads, Walmart, everywhere.

That you can not just one place everywhere.

Take a photo of yourself holding the book and post it on social media as well and let people know how much it meant to you, because I. I think that will also help out a lot.

Thanks for listening to the author pitch.

I'm Rich Bennett, and until next time, keep turning pages and discovering new voices.